...it would ideally have the following:
This is going to be partly a list of things I'd like to see in a club and partly a list of things that are at existing clubs.
- Areas where you could talk to your friends and sit down, without shouting, and without being moved on.
- Market stalls for jewellery, clothes, etc. (much like Jilly's Rockworld in Manchester when I visited a few years back, or Slimelight each time they have a three-floor special).
- A membership scheme, fairly open but not excessively so (Slimelight of old, basically).
- Bring your own drinks or some form of off license inside the club (though the law might get in the way here).
- Food, (non alcoholic) drinks as well as snacks available.
- Live bands as often as possible (some clubs have had bands every month - like the cabaret band at Tenebrae a year or two back - though I know of none in the UK that have bands every week).
- Entertainers - possibly in weeks that bands don't play, or in addition.
- Lots of little nooks and crannies.
- An art gallery (probably in the vicinity of the market stall/s) for Goth artists (similar to that in Pandemonium, not a club, but illustrates the gallery concept).
- It would get on well with other clubs - cross-promotion would be the order of the day.
- Distinctive areas, each with their own character (Jilly's Rockworld is an example of this, with the Underworld, Fish Bowl and main room).
- A rooftop you can go onto, like a club I went to once to see Queen Adreena, just North of Old Street, not far from the eye hospital.
...it would not have the following:
- Bouncers who always seem to be spoiling for a fight (too many examples of these in general alternative, though less in Goth-specific nights).
- A tendency to let anyone in towards the end of the night, just to make money while spoiling the atmosphere (too many examples of these, usually in 'hosted' nights).
- It wouldn't try to beat down other clubs in the area by running dirty tricks campaigns against them.
- Free entry for women, other promotioins to encourage 'meat market' attitudes.
 Plus the following:
- It would show films (either in a separate room or in a main room), with subtitles, preferably low budget, independent films.
- There would be an opportunity for musicians to play in jam sessions, and other artists to participate in shared artistic endeavours.
- theme nights
- ethereal room (atmospheric, downtempo, etc)
- Goth room / rock / darkwaveetc
- Industrial room / ebm / electro / synthpop / power noise / electroclash etc
- properly enforced dress code
- market days - during daytime a market, with proper changing areas
- prize draws
- fashion shows
- four bars
- space to socialise
- all day breakfast, lunch, bar snacks, coffee, tea, soft drinks
Overall I think I'd probably blur the boundaries between clubs, pubs and markets. Hey, I can dream...
Things that get pushed to advertise clubs:
- rooftop patio
- large polished wooden dancefloor
- promoters and business owners welcome to distribute brochures, flyers
- CD promos and posters
- reduced entry
- drink offers / happy hour
- CCTV and free parking
- free cloakroom / cloakroom per person, not per item
- cloakroom ticket number stamped on arm, ticket can't be lost
- cheap / free admission for fancy dress
- published setlists
- luxurious toilets
- almost naked go go dancers
- wet t-shirt contest
- pyjama party (reduced entry)
- playlist policy: wide selection, from bowie and t-rex to bauhaus, siouxsie, dark eighties, new romantic, Goth, glam, deathrock, industrial.
- punk rock cinema
- to the first x people who order it, a cd-r of the gig just played available afterwards - neubaten did this in London in April